Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
