I wish I could punch you in the face.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
