Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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