I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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