she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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