I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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