We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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