oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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