she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
