I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
