Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
