we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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