Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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