Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
