Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
