Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
