That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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