guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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