is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
