sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
