Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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