what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
