We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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