Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
