I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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