Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
