i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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