Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
