Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
