drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
