then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
