there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
