So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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