She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
