Duck Duck Cougar?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
