R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
