I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
