Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
