I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
