Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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