you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
