It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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