Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
