I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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