there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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