God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
