I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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