My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
