I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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