At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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