They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
People in love make me want to vomit
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
