You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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