Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
