allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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