i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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