And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
