Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Two words: nipple clamps
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