i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
