Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
