Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
