He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
