Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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