ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
