i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
