don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
