Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
