i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
