I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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